I have been rather depressed recently…. I don’t really understand why.

No one can see it…
Which is fine I guess….

And I just need to write something down…. To kind of clear my head….

But I don’t really know what to say….

I am ready to just leave. To run with Him and not look back… To not deal with people and their stares, judgements, and gossip. To just…. Be Alone…. 

Selfish.
They only word that comes to mind…. Because it’s true… there’s nothing that can cover it up or mask it. We are selfish.

I am drifting from my friends. Only hanging out with them occasionally…. And barely speaking on the computer.
(They are sorta of becoming my tampa friends living next door) 

I just feel like my old self again. Nothing brings me joy. I am put off by everything that I have to do…. The Hole seems to be caving again…
I don’t understand it. I have nothing to be sad about… Nothing to complain about… It’s just….. There.

I kinda want to be like Twilight. *smacks self for comparison*

And it should be enough that He loves me. And I  love Him….. But when we part….. the world ends. We suffer. Our hearts break, scar some more, and are slammed into out bodies once again….T.T

Pathetic.
A word that popped into my head… We’re a sorry bunch of teens in love…. *Sigh*

I just want more time. Never ending time. I should be able to control time. Manipulate it to whatever I want…..

I just feel so tired. Sick of the same routine we have.
I graduate this year and Im slightly afraid… Afraid of moving ahead (Or falling behind)… Afraid of Just not being able to do it… And Afraid of something happening between Us. And we say that this is going to happen that we will get the panther and everything else… But… Anything can happen… And I don’t think that anyone pays attention to the “Later”…. all anyone can see is the “Right Now” …………I fail.

No one wants Us to make it. Don’t believe that we can.
We are just in it for the sex… So I have heard from his parents…. I guess they don’t like me…. *Sigh*
No one likes me…….

Its just one thing after another… And life doesn’t stop for anyone….

 

So watch my chest heave
as this last breath leaves me
I am trying to be
what you’re dying to see

I feel like “Fuck man,
can’t take this, anymore,
this heart, break this.”
This is life that’s so thankless,
How could he just forsake us?

racist he makes us
hate us he gave us
nothing but no trust
and I am so fucked up
So let this gun bind us
Lets hide by this lust
and once we are just dust
he’ll know that he loved us

LET IT ALL BURN
I will burn first
God of time, am I lost in your eyes?

Just let me burn, it’s what I deserve.
God of mine, am I lost in your eyes?

So take me and make me
weakened and save me
this hate that you gave me
keeps saying the same thing

to sing when you hurtin’
to sing when you cry
to sing when you livin’
to sing when you die

and here at the end
at the end of the hurt
all the pain ain’t the same
when it’s your turn to burn
We’re the heart for the heartless,
the thoughts for the thoughtless,
the means for the end,
we’re the gods of the deadless!

Let it all burn
I will burn first
God of time, am I lost in your eyes?

Just let me burn
It’s what I deserve
God of mine, am I lost in your eyes?

So cry 3 tears for me,
burning so good,
sing me this song

So cry 3 tears for me,
burning so good,
burning so good

I can not stand
who i am I’m this man
with this blood on my hands
in this blood I am damned
so watch my wings burn
as they burn in the fire
I’ll scatter the ashes
now sing for the choir

Let it all burn,
I will burn first
God of time, am I lost in your eyes?

Just let me burn
it’s what I deserve,
God of mine, am I lost in your eyes?

This hate that you gave me keeps saying
Just let me burn,
Just let me burn
This hate that you gave me keeps saying
Just let me burn,
Just let me burn

Burn
NOW
Burn

Just let me burn
NOW
Burn

BURN!  

Paradise Lost— Hollywood Undead